whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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