I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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