I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
