Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
