I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
