I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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