I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
