sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
