Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
