I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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