He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
