remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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