I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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