Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
