the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
