yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
