I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
