i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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