we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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