She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
