If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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