I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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