we're blogging at a bar
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
