You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
