when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
