when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
