don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just forgot I was standing up.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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