every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
