its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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