I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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