I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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