this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
