I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
