ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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