she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
