Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
