This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
