Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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