WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
