that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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