Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
