is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
