I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
