my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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