so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
