I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
