I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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