No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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