I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
