Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
