Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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