I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
