dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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