You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
