I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
