and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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